How do we honor relationships when it hurts?
In talking with a woman recently, I heard her pain through the phone. She had been abandoned and rejected by friends, lovers, and family members…her story was a long litany of feeling unloved. My heart ached with her. Haven’t we all experienced the deep pain of being unwanted at some point in our journey? I know I have.
Much of the way we respond to life can circle around these painful experiences in our journey when we were rejected…left behind…’unfriended’…
There are moments in our lives where we are given the opportunity to do life differently. She realized this was one of those moments. In her desire to attract beautiful relationships, she recognized the need to first honor her self. Asking questions like, Why does it hurt? Where do I need healing? How do I want to invite God into this? How do I long to be loved? are courageous questions that will help us move into life differently. More freedom was waiting for her and she knew it.
When we are ready, we get to gently take the journey with a Loving Divine presence that wants to heal us, restore us, and offer us a new way of responding to life. We get to learn how to love well, be loved in relationships, heal from broken hearts, and offer our hearts wisely.
My daughter taught me this the other day when she noticed a friend being treated poorly by others. She responded with, “I don’t know why she keeps going back to them when they are mean to her…it’s like she doesn’t know her own self-worth”. From the mouth of a 12-year-old sage.
Honoring relationships well requires valuing our own self-worth and the worth of others. Both are necessary.
As our phone conversation came to a close, I was humbled and inspired to witness this woman recognize her history of rejection and declare a new hope for her future. She saw how this deep pain had sabotaged her from having the relationships she wanted.
What made it so inspiring?
She didn’t know how to change or ‘fix’ it, but was simply willing to state the truth and engage her vulnerability to believe in something better.
How heroic. It takes courage to name what has kept us stuck for so long.
Having the courage to face what we need offers new paths in our relationships. We learn how to step into new styles of relating that honors both our self and others. Past hurts can be used to reveal new truths and help us develop new patterns for lovingly relating.
Happy Valentine’s Day…May we each know how deeply and richly we are loved,