Our conversation started out with the heartfelt exclamation, “Why am I sabotaging myself? I always do this to myself. “
Reflecting back, she said it started in high school in not being able to finish the all-important paper. Limping through college as she struggled to finish a class. Moving from job to job throughout her career life. Engaging with relationships that were unfulfilling and hurtful.
Her pattern for most of her adult life was one of self-sabotage.
Why do we sabotage what we really want? Why do we get stuck? Why do we procrastinate?
To get unstuck and engage in forward movement, we must kindly ask ourselves what we fear.
As I laid the question out between us, “What do you fear?”, the silence was thick in the air.
Eventually the awareness came, “I am afraid I don’t deserve to be happy.”
This is a powerful moment when transformation begins to happen.
Acknowledging our fear propels us into choosing…we are faced with the choice to hang on to the fear or make room for a new truth.
“What is the new truth you want to believe?”
“That I do deserve to be happy!” she exclaimed.
This was a game changer for her. Fostering a deep belief in being able to live in happiness, she began to attract better friends, finish projects, enter a graduate program to support her new profession, and move out of the country to live where she always wanted to live.
More importantly, it also created a new pattern for her. Instead of shaming herself for not accomplishing what she desired, she learned to “use” her awareness of self-sabotage to identify her fear and replace it with the truth.
Where are you sabotaging your goals and preventing yourself from having what you really want? Kindly ask yourself what you fear and choose the truth.